If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
