Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
