there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
