Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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