Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
