I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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