One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
