Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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