You don't have asthma, your pregnant
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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