Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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