Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
