WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
