I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
