I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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