Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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