she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I would fuck him just for his dog
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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