we made out on top of his cat.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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