apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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