i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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