Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
