I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
