its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
