how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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