I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
