u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
