She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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