I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sober January is a disaster.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize