I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
