haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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