I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
