One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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