my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
