Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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