I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
