FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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