I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
