we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
