I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
