I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
