You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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