so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
