I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
