you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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