After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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