your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
