OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
