sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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