how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
