she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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