Too much gin, very little bucket
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
