Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
