checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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