She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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