is your mom at the bar?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
