i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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