just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
