I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
