i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
