hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
