batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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