I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize