Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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