I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
