After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
