turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
