OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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