I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
