We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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