so that wasnt chicken after all
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
