I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
