his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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