I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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