I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
