Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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