I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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