Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize