I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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