Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
