Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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