the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize