he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you will always have a special place in my vag
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
