just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
