i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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